we're still alive
by anniekroy
Summary: "getting older there, stud?" she teases him, like she always does, and for a man being teased about his age, he's gotten the biggest smile on his face. As for a moment, he pretends today didn't happen, that her shirt isn't covered in blood.


_Author's Note: this is my first fanfic, so I hope it isn't too bad. I was planing on writing this emotional bath scene but I started the moment too soon and then this happened. It's supposed to be vague so you can fill the blanks yourself. Hope you guys like it and some feedback would be v nice._

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"Kate."

She's warm. For once today, she's warm. She knows she can't just go to sleep, pretend this didn't happen and just stay here, warm and comfortable laying on her back in his soft bed. Kate opens her eyes to the dark ceiling.

That's how she feels. Dark. Empty. Not living but just existing.

Suddenly his face pops into her line of sight. Some would say the light of her life. She would argue, she would tease them about how big of a soap they're being but deep down she knows better. Know that there's no point in fighting what she knows it's true.

"Rick."

"Come on, you need a bath and the water is suitably warm for you." The dark ceiling stops being her focus and she turns her head to look at him, a tiny smile appearing on his hesistant but hopeful face.

She lifts her arms and gives him a timid smile. "Suitably warm for me?"

He stands up from his kneeling position, his knees crackling and reminding him that he's not a young man anymore, "getting older there, stud?" she teases him, like she always does, and for a man being teased about his age, he's gotten the biggest smile on his face. As for a moment, he pretends today didn't happen, that her shirt isn't covered in blood.

"Kate Beckett. You know better than to tease this _young_ man." He loops his arms around her back and knee and picks her up. As he starts walking to the bathroom, she wraps her arms around his neck, gives him a kiss on his jaw and rests her forehead against his cheek.

"My stud." She whispers and he shifts her closer to him.

"Yours."

She turns the bathroom doorknob and he opens the door with his shoulder. The steam enveloping them right as they fully enter the room.

"Yes, suitably warm for you, Kate Houghton. Scalding water, almost unbearable." He pulls her down, his hands warm on her back, keeping her upright. She looks up, her smile now widening and she kisses him. She kisses him like it's the first time she has ever kissed him. When he pulls away, she looks at him and she can't contain the words anymore.

"I love you."

He's the one that kisses her like never before.

"Now help me get this clothes off of me," and as those words are said, the moment is broken.

She moves to unbutton her shirt, getting her hands immediately wet. She looks down at her bloody hands and curses herself for forgetting. "I-" she looks up at him, her hands frozen in front of her and she can feel the tears in her eyes.

"Shh," he kisses her forehead. "It's gonna be okay." A kiss on her nose. "I love you." A kiss on her cheek. "It's gonna be okay." He kisses her other cheek, pulls back, rests his forehead against hers.

He moves his hands to start on the buttons but her arms stop him from reaching them.

"I'll do it, Rick. My hands are already…and I don't want yours-" _to be soaked in blood like once they were._ She trails off but by the painful look on his face, she can see that he knows what she was about to say.

"Okay. So - so, let me - let me - we need - ahh - we need bubbles. Lots of bubbles."

This is one of so many things that she loves about him. How he always tries to put a smile on her face, how he always tries to make things better for her without even thinking about what he needs. And that's why when he came into the bedroom to take her to her bath she didn't say she could do it herself, why she let him carry her those ridiculous 2 feet to the bathroom, and that she's just letting him take care of her because even though he doesn't let it show (much), he's just as (or more) affected as she is.

She finally takes off that damn shirt and throws it in the trash. There's no point in cleaning it, because it will always bring them back to today and they have enough memories of it as it as. She goes to open the zipper on her bra but looks at her ridiculous loving man bent over the bath, making sure it really is a bubble bath and she changes her mind. Takes off her pants next and dumps them in the trash, on top of the ruined shirt. She looks down at herself and sees there's no blood in sight and she can almost pretend this is just a normal day.

"All done." He turns to her, his shirt a darker shade of blue and she can see the subtle expression of relief now replacing the sadness it was there before and she's glad that at least she's taking care of him as much as he is taking care of her.

She turns her back on him, a silent request he understands, and he gently runs his hands up her arms in a soft yet non-sexual way, kissing the back of her neck, moving his hands and undoing the clasp of her bra. She lowers the straps herself, taking it off and throwing it in the hamper this time. She looks away from the grey wall and her stare lands on his toothbrush. Blue, red and white. And a spider-man in the center. Without her even having time to realize or do anything about it, a tear slips down her cheek. Followed by another and she can't control them anymore.

Rick turns her around and wraps his arms around her, whispering soothing words in her ear, trying to keep his tears at bay himself.

A few minutes pass and he feels her calming down. He pulls back so he can pull her head up and gently clean the tear strains on her face with his thumbs. He gives her a tiny smile and she can see the tears in his eyes as well. She wraps her arms around his neck and holds him to her as close as she can. After a few seconds, she feels it. His sobs. Seconds after, she can feel his tears dripping into her bare shoulder. And she knows, it's her turn to whisper soothing words to him.

When he pulls back, "It's okay. I'm okay. We're okay. Let's get you in that not-so-suitably-warm-anymore bath." She gives him a broken smile.

"Let's."

With her hair already tied in a knot, she slips into the warm water, extends her arm to him.

All they need now is each other.


End file.
